| Recently a mom said to me, "I realize I've trained my | | | | from the inside out. The individual draws conclusions |
| daughter to be afraid of me. Now I want to train her to | | | | and develops interpretations of reality based on |
| trust me." Have you ever wished you could change | | | | theirunique perception of their life experience, not |
| how your child perceives and reacts to you? It can be | | | | based on the techniques you use. |
| painful to see the results of your actions and words | | | | Children, even when they are infants, perceive and |
| mirrored back to you in your child. | | | | make decisions based on their own observations and |
| Since getting my horse Destiny, I've often thought | | | | experiences. You may believe or hope that you can |
| about the difference between training a horse and | | | | control their thoughts and feelings, but you cannot. |
| empowering a child. There are similarities between | | | | You cannot train your child to trust you, to like you, or |
| these two because you're relating with another | | | | to feel close and connected to you. You cannot train |
| sentient being who perceives and remembers. | | | | your child to be happy and loving. |
| Children and horses remember how you treat them, | | | | You may think you child needs your guidance to teach |
| and many of their actions are a result of your actions | | | | him how to be a compassionate, successful person; |
| toward them. When you are gentle and patient, they | | | | but what I've seen is that children are independent, |
| respond more calmly and willingly. When you neglect | | | | autonomous, loving people who are constantly figuring |
| their emotional needs and act in ways that | | | | life out for themselves, regardless of what you do or |
| areuncomfortable to them, they don't trust you and | | | | say. |
| feel cautious with you, even when they do what you | | | | Training creates obedience. Empowering your child |
| say. | | | | nurtures his ability to problem-solve, be creative and |
| Training is used to manage behavior in people and | | | | self-reliant. Empowering your child helps her feel |
| horses. Training uses techniques, such as force, | | | | confident, loved, and joyous. |
| repetition, positive and negative reinforcement, to elicit | | | | So what's a parent or educator to do if your child feels |
| the desired behavior. Training is when youhave an | | | | insecure or afraid of you? Focus on nurturing your |
| agenda for the other, and you want them to do what | | | | child's emotional wholeness. Make your emotional |
| you want. | | | | connection together your highest priority. Make choices |
| Training is not something you can do with your child's | | | | from your deep love for your child. Then you'll feel the |
| emotions. Emotions are their own separate entity, | | | | love and trust between you grow, and those old |
| separate from your child's thought-process. Emotions | | | | behavior challenges disappear. |
| and perceptions of safety and connectedness come | | | | |